1 Month & Updates

I'd still like to keep up on my blog so I thought it might be easiest to try and update once a month.
My mind is all over the place this morning so that's how this blog may turn out as well so here is a warning in advance.

I want to start by saying Thank You God for blessing us with everything you have given us. We have 3 beautiful daughters, a house, some income, loving families, and we're all healthy. I need to take more time and pray and just say Thank You. I don't do that enough.

Josie will already be 1 month old on the 26th! Why do babies have to grow up so fast? She is doing great! She is a very good baby. Can't get enough of her cuteness. She is beautiful just like her sisters. I still can't believe she's here. I got pregnant on birth control!!! So glad that didn't work! =) She still seems very calm like we noticed right after she was born. She's always pretty content. She nurses usually every 2 hours sometimes more often during the day. At night its usually always 2 hours or maybe a touch closer to 3 hours. It's been great because I'll feed her at night and then she just lays right down and by the time she wakes up again I realize it's been 2 or 2+ hours. Some nights I don't feel like I get the full 2 hours of sleep each time but it feels great. I have an app on my phone that I use to keep track of her eating so I don't have to remember when she nursed last. She does have a tendency to spit up at times which I'm not used to - Abby and Jasmine never spit up. She doesn't burp a lot though so I'm thinking that may be why. I read an article about spitting up and since her's is not a lot is seems pretty normal so I'm not concerned. Only thing right now that I'm trying to figure out is when I should pump. I need to start saving some milk for times that I'd need to be gone and I haven't found the right times yet. The other day I pumped so Josh could feed her and she was not happy. So she'll need more practice with the bottle as well. Love her infinity.

Speaking of babies growing up too fast! Abby turned 7 already on April 17th. She seems like she's 18! We went to Chuck E Cheese to celebrate. She invited her friend Grace Houtman also. She was so excited. She loves Grace. She got a tablet, a guitar, a lalaloopsy, some barbies, money, a shirt. Very spoiled =). We had cake and donuts. Chuck E Cheese was a lot of fun. She's been doing some tutoring with Aunt Sue. We also got her report card for this period and she seems to be improving. =) She's still our sweet big girl. Love her infinity.

Jasmine is 5 going on 16! Little Miss Detail with Attitude. She's Momma's girl but man..she's been quite the "handful" lately. Not sure if this is because she is no longer the youngest or what? For example the other day I thought it would be fun to take the girls to the park. Well she said she COULD NOT GO TO THE PARK unless she changed because she had a hole in her tights and she didn't want anyone to see it. I told her that there wasn't anyone at the park and also the hole was hidden so no one would see it. She continued to yell that she refused to go to the park unless she changed as she pounded her fist on the van chair. I then continued to say that we would not be going to the park with that attitude. Then Abby started crying and I thought well I don't really want to punish Abby and I really wanted to go to the park (I probably should have taken both girls to the park and told Jasmine she had to stay in the van) I don't know. So I ended up saying - Here's the deal...we'll go home and change (she did have high heels on anyway) BUT then you need to clean your room when we get home. When we got home they did clean there room some and I finished it yesterday. So I'm hoping I can handles these type situations better the next time or something so this doesn't continue to happen. Some days I feel like the girls don't listen to me well. =(
Still love her infinity! =)

Josh has been having some hard days at work. Thankfully the girl that he was having a hard time with quit. We are thankful he has a job and thankful he'll be getting more hours BUT when she did work there he was getting out of work at 4:30 instead of 5:30 and he was getting some Saturdays off so we're praying that once they find a replacement that he'll go back to getting out at 4:30 and having some Saturdays off! I'm grateful that he has been working so hard to provide for us. I love him more than I can say and some days I'm a horrible wife for not showing it more.

Ok now on to ME. Who cares right?! That's kind of how I feel lately. Ridiculous I know. I think these postpartum blues are still lingering and I'm hoping they go away quickly. The blues have nothing to do with Josie - she's great. I don't even really know how to describe everything well enough. I just still worry so much and think too much about everything. I haven't even prayed about anything. It frustrates me but yet why haven't I changed that then? I've felt like I haven't wanted to be very social. I feel like I can never keep up with the house work. I feel like we're going to loose our house because I don't have a job. I feel upset about everything that happened with work. I feel like I make the girls do too much. I feel like a bad wife. I feel extremely fat and feel like I'll never loose weight...have to return to medical weight loss and I feel like I won't be able to do it. I could really go on and on. Some days have been great and if I get out of the house I feel much better. The sunny days are the best. I think just over time all this will go away or at least I'm hoping.

Even with all the negative thoughts floating around in my head, I'm extremely excited to see what God has planned for me next. As most of my loyal followers ;) know... I will not be returning to B & S. This makes me very happy! I can sub and I'm also hoping to grow my cleaning business again. SO PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD THAT I CLEAN HOMES! LIKE & Share my facebook page too!  www.facebook.com/HomeCleaningbyAmanda

This will allow me to run my own schedule. I'm also going to keep my eye open for other things as well because if cleaning doesn't work out I'll need some income. That's the only part that worries me - having enough income.

To be honest I'm kind of "upset" with the way things ended up with B&S. I had asked several times if they could tell me if I'd return after maternity leave or not and I never got a straight answer. I had gotten an email asking for help and it was a quick explanation so I replied. Then I sent an email asking if I'd be returning and got no response. I then got a 2nd email asking for help so I sent another email telling them to respond to my email first because I did not want to keep replying with answers if I was not going to be returning! The response I finally got was...

Amanda-

At this time we do not have a position available.

Really? It makes me feel like I was a stranger asking if they were hiring and I just get this auto reply that there are no positions available. I wish they could have just been honest with me from the beginning. If they did not want me to return I wish they would have just told me that sooner. In some ways I feel like they did that so I'd stick around to train. I really don't know. I could be way off - I could be wrong? This is just the impression I got. Sometimes I wish I could just have this big sit down talk about the entire situation to ask all my questions to ease my mind ... but I don't know if I'd be given the truth. Some days I felt like I was loved - other days I felt like I was garbage to them. ?!!? 

I don't want this to bother me. I know God has something 100% better for me. His timing is perfect and I trust him. I just need to pray more and really trust that all will be OK! 

Anyways.. 

I always tell my girlies I love them infinity so I found a picture online that means infinity...I showed the girls so now we do that every morning when I drop them off for school. I love you infinity Josh & My 3 girlies.