There are still days when I feel a little depressed. I hate when I feel depressed especially when there are people who are going through much worse then we are. I shouldn't be depressed. I have a wonderful family, a house, a car, food, a job, three beautiful healthy girlies, and MUCH more. I have everything I need. Sometimes I feel so guilty because I'm not working full time to provide more income for our family. Some days I feel guilty because I don't do anything with the girls except make them clean. Some days I'm a horrible wife. Some days I spend too much time on the internet. Most days I don't pray enough. I know God will provide for our every need. It's like those two people on your shoulders...the good one and the bad one talking to each other. Sometimes the good one wins and sometimes the bad one wins. Sounds so silly but sometimes my mind drives me nuts. Of course if I gave all my thoughts to God I'm sure the bad one would be quiet a lot more!
I also feel like God puts people in your way to teach you things. Some of my friends post things and I'm so jealous and wish I was like them. I wish I could think the way they think, do the things they do, teach my girls like they teach their kids, etc.
I just want to be the best Wife, Mom, Sister, Aunt, Daughter, Granddaughter, Niece, Friend, Christian, Home Cleaner, there is. I want to be a great example for my girlies and teach them a bout Jesus.
Summer is almost over and it seems like I have not done anything fun with the girlies. Plus Josh is at work all day so he wouldn't be able to enjoy the fun things we may end up doing. I'm still so thankful that he works so hard for us so that I can work part time.
Josh -- Josh has been super busy at work moving things to a different area at his work. He comes home pretty tired. He got some Berlin Raceway tickets for this Saturday. Some of the Duck Dynasty cast will be there. He is bringing his Dad. I would have loved to go but it would have been too difficult with a nursing baby. Also - he got another call to have a formal interview at a place much closer to home...he's not sure when the interview will be yet but if you think about it be praying that if it's where God wants him that the answer will be easy for us to decide if they would want to hire him. It's always a little scary changing companies when you're not sure how it will all turn out. Again - If God leads us to it - he'll get us through it BUT..!!
Abby -- Abby finishes her reading program next week. There have been several nights that we should have been doing a lot more reading. She has gotten better though. She is such a huge help with Josie. She's like her 2nd Mommy and again like I said before - I seriously feel like I could leave Josie home with her and she could babysit even though she's only 7. I'm thankful for her help when I'm doing things around the house or taking showers. Lately she loves to ride her scooter around the house, watch netflix movies, and still loves music a lot.
Jasmine -- Jasmine will someday be my cleaning assistant or go on her own cleaning jobs. She is so detailed so whenever she is in the mood to clean she does so good. Today she help me fold laundry, she did all the dishes, washed walls, helped me clean out her bedroom closet, she straightened up the kitchen counter, and put laundry away. She also vacuums occasionally as well. It's funny though because when she is in the mood she does a great job at putting things where they belong - but there are days when the house looks like a tornado went through especially in their bedroom and it doesn't bother her. Since she's always pretty particular on who things belong to or where things belong its funny that she can be pretty messy. She is also a huge help with Josie but Josie is a little bit too heavy for her to carry so she just plays with her if she is on the floor / etc. She is so particular about the clothes she wears as well. She has a favorite pair of TIGHT black leggings that have stains that she does not want me to get rid of. She likes clothes to be tight. If they are too big she won't wear them. Unfortunately though I had to really discuss something with her today... The other day I bought the girls both the same outfit at the dollar store. Well today I went through the laundry and the pants were a smaller size than what I thought I bought. Jasmine had switched the 7/8 pants with the 6X pants so that they'd be smaller because she likes smaller. It is way too late to return the pants but I don't know if I need to tell the store? I told her that was very wrong and that is sin, etc. She understood and knew she did wrong. I wish I would have noticed it right away.
Josie - Josie is 4 months old now. Her next appointment is not until Aug 12th so I won't have a weight / height update until then. On July 20th she rolled over for the first time while we were up north. She rolled over so many times and then now that we've been home she probably hasn't even rolled over 10 times. If Josh has seen her roll over it's been 1 time. LOL. She is grabbing at things and has her own language sometimes. She eats about every 3 hours now. She is teething big time. She also has been biting when I nurse her but she isn't doing it to hurt me. She was sleeping for about 5-7 hours and she slept 7 last night but there have been nights where she gets up every 3. She always goes to bed around 9pm usually without a fuss. She is a very smiley, happy baby.
Me -- Josh wants me to find one more home to clean to add a little more income. I'm hoping to find a home that is closer to home. If you know of someone send them my way =)
The families that I clean for now are wonderful. I'm so grateful to have met them. I'm thankful God has put these people in my life. I hope to be able to clean for them for a long time.
One of my fb "friends" changed a setting on their facebook and put me under restricted but still kept me as a friend.
"When you add someone to your Restricted list, they'll only be able to see your Public content or posts that you tag them in. So if you put your boss on your Restricted list, post a photo and choose Friends as the audience, your boss (and anyone else on Restricted) won’t see that photo. However, if you add a tag of your boss to the photo, we’ll let them know they’re in it and they’ll be able to see the photo. If someone else tries to tag your boss in one of your photos, you’ll get to approve this tag from your pending posts."
As if to say - well you can't see my stuff but I'll keep you as a friend that way I can still see your stuff. While I'd love to just delete the person I decided to just put them on restricted as well. =(
Makes me sad in a way. I've known the person for more than 10 years. I don't understand. I care what others think about me and when they do things like this - it just makes me wonder why. Hurts my feelings a little.
Another thing that kinda hurts my feelings.... (changing a few names etc because I don't want to share the persons name)
I had asked someone if they were mad at me because I had not heard from them in a while...
"I'm not mad at you... the honest truth is its Facebook .... Every time we post pics or updates you like it... which is good and bad... my girlfriend my family and her family and friends think thats a bit weird and overkill. Which is silly, yet a bit warranted... 20 notifications in a day is a bit overboard. And between you and your sister... I hardly get anyone elses status updates. There is no wrong or right, I have tried explaining our friendship yet even then it still seems a bit much. So all I'm asking is stop liking every single thing we post. .....And don't get all upset. Just chill on Facebook a smidge alright? No one is mad. We just think maybe you are addicted to f.b. and need a hobby... lol Miss ya."
If I like something on facebook - I like it. Sometimes I'll be off facebook for a few days and when I get back on I'll like several things in the same day (so maybe the person got 20 notifications that day). I know sometimes I've often thought - man I only get likes from a these people -- but HELLO isn't that what Likes are for? to show you like something? Ugh
and I do know I spend a lot of time on facebook but I don't feel I'm addicted to it.
I know I often think too much about people that probably don't spend a second thinking about me.
I don't know why I care so much about what other people think of me or if they like me or if they are mad at me. But I want people to like me etc.
I shared a picture on facebook the other day ---
and it's like that song -
He knows my name, he knows my every thought, he sees each tear that falls, and He hears me when I call.
God Loves Me, Josh Loves Me, my girlies love me. Why do I feel like if certain people don't seem to like me then I'm not good enough?
This is getting pretty long and again didn't really come out quite like I had thought it would. I've got 2 girlies that want me to tuck them in and one already sleeping. Josh is sleeping too because he isn't feeling well so I'll sign off for now.
Thanks for reading =)
